Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Yes, For The Record, My Kids Do Fight

Lest you think all my children are perfect and that our house is calm and loving all the time, I thought I'd let you all in on a little secret.  My children do fight!  As you can see from the above picture, it happens quite frequently with the youngest two.  And then the picture below of my teenage kids fighting, well arguing in the background. I think the picture is so funny, mostly because it was just accidentally caught on camera.

I've noticed some things lately about children and squabbles.  When they are young, like between 1 and 3, the fights are usually physical.  Like fighting over a toy, hitting, biting, etc.  Then by the time they are 3 or so, they have learned some self-control and know better (if they have been disciplined properly : ) So, between 3 and 13, the fights become mostly verbal.  I actually think this is even worse.  It's not at all funny or entertaining anymore, but just really sad.  It hurts me to hear children, especially siblings, verbally abusing one another or just being mean and selfish.  We don't take this lightly at our house.  One thing I do, besides punishing, is to have the person who said something mean or unkind first apologize.  Then, I have them say something nice to the other person.  This has to be more then, "you're good at soccer."  It has to be something meaningful.  Usually they both end-up laughing and I feel better about something positive being said.  Anyway, I've noticed that with teenagers though the fighting changes.  It's rarely physical anymore, thank goodness, and usually not so verbal either.  It's more of a snubbing or just ignoring the other person or even trying to avoid each other.  I also notice with my teens that they begin debating more.  Sometimes it's serious and deep, like theological issues, but other times it's something silly that really doesn't warrant an argument at all, like why they went to have coffee with "so and so."  Well, this is something I try not to intervene too much with, but just pray for them and try to point out each of their good points. I also try to get them to do fun things together.  I guess this is something all moms do of older kids.  I know my mom tries to put my siblings and I together and always smooth over everything. So, I have all three fighting stages going on in my house.  I guess it's just human nature and something we all have to work through.  Thank goodness with have the Lord to help us : )


  1. Wow, I must agree with every point you have touched on! We have just started touching on the beginning of our teenage years with the kids, but I'm sure a house full of teenage boys will be very fun! Wishing you a wonderful weekend!!
    Mama Of Many Blessings

  2. your kids should be allowed to respectfully argue with each other as older teens without feeling like they are doing something wrong. keyword though is respectfully, and if they are saying nasty things while they fight then that's bad and obviously not respectful. but if they are just disagreeing about something or arguing, what's the harm? things aren't always supposed to be smooth

  3. I remember having all three stages in our house, for years and years. Now we have sons and daughters in law, and grandchildren, in the mix. And the solution to fighting is still the same--everyone being washed by God's word is the best way to handle conflicts. I enjoy your blog very much.

  4. Hello,

    My kids fight too. When they do, they have to apologize to each other.
    Hitting we will not aloud.

    Now the school year is ending.
    They are tired and argue a lot. I mean about everything.
    It makes you even tired listening to them.

    Reading your post about this.
    You said 'they have to say something nice to the other person, something meaningful' when they hurt the other one.

    Well I have talkt to the kids about this, first they didn't take me very serious.
    But in the evening, when my son said ....?!@%.. to his sister, I brought it up again. He apologized and sayd something nice to her.
    The ice was broken, amazing!

    Thank you.


  5. Ahhh yes. sibling angst. gotta love it...not. I make sure they look each other in the eye when apologizing, but I Love your idea of having them say something meaningful as well. I'd like to try it next time...and knowing'll be soon ;)

  6. Thanks for sharing! My seven and five year old have been bickering incessantly lately., I attribute it to summer overtogetherness!

  7. i give whoever is involved in the fight a chore to do seperately,gives them.time to cool off and bonus i get one more my list, haha, and they.must apologize. Works great since i started that. . i always tell them i dont care who started it or who did what. . u both have an option to walk away but didnt and you couldnt resolve it so now u each have a chore. they dont fight nearly half as much.


Thanks so much for your comments! I love them and they keep me writing. I really do read each one.