Difficult Times

We all go through hard times.  We all go through seasons.  I'm thankful for the change in seasons and how God keeps things interesting.  But why am I not thankful for hard times?  They draw me closer to the Lord.  They bring me to my knees.  They humble me and sober me but why do I just want to get through them?  To just be on the other side.  To have all my prayers answered the way I want them answered.  To be through the pain.  I guess we all rush it, we all don't want difficult times, because they hurt.  Not only that, they shake our faith.  They make us wonder what we did to deserve this, where is God, why didn't we see this coming, and a host of other doubts.  

As a mother, I've been through hard times before but these past months have truly been some of the hardest.  Though I can't get into the details, God has been faithful.  God is using this to draw me closer to Him and to get rid of any idols in my life.  I've learned to just let Him have it all, to just give it to Him and walk away.  As a mother, when it comes to our children, this is very hard.  No matter how old they may be, they are still our babies and really a part of us. But as they age, we have to slowly let go and this means letting them make mistakes.  We can't control them anymore.  We can only trust God with them.  He loves them even more than we do. 

I wanted to write this post not only to explain why I have not blogged lately, but to encourage anyone going through difficult times as well.  You are not alone.  We all smile and many times pretend everything is fine, but we need to be more transparent with each other.  We need to ask for help, ask for prayer and not be afraid of being judged.  I also wanted to encourage all of us moms to "let go and let God."  I know that sounds cliche but really it's true.  Our children are not our own.  They are the Lord's and we have been given them for a time as stewards.  We may be able to control them when they are little but not forever.  The sooner we learn to let go, to trust them to the Lord, really the better it will be....not only in our own heart but in theirs as well.  

Job 2:10 "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

God Has Been Faithful

My oldest graduated from Basic Combat Training and now Airborne school.  Here he is getting his wings! My husband and second oldest son got to be there to see his last jump.  God was faithful and watched over him.

Earlier this month I flew down to Louisiana for my high school reunion.  Here are some pictures of my high school BFF's with me.  I had so much fun and was amazed at God's faithfulness to me, through thick and thin.  

This is a picture of me and my pastor, and for a time principal of the Christian High School that I attended.  He just turned 81 and is still working, pastoring and such an encouragement!  

This is my sister and my Della, who taught me how to cook!  I owe them both so very much.  My mother was very sick for most of my children and these 2 basically raised me.
Going back home, particularly where one has grown-up, is really a good way to marvel at the faithfulness of God.  Time goes by so quickly and I marvel how He has a plan for our lives and it is much better than any plan we could ever dream up!  Never stop trusting in the One who made us, knows us completely, and loves us more than we can ever imagine. 

Father God Holds Our Hand

I held my little 2 year old's hand as we crossed the grocery store parking lot.  My grip was tight, his was a little reluctant.  He wanted to be independent.  As we walked, I thought there was no way I would let go of this little hand even if he let go of mine.  We think we're holding onto our Father, but He actually has us in His strong grip.  Even if we rebel, we want to run ahead, we want to be independent, we want our own way so we let go......would He let us go?  Would we, though sinful humans, let go of our toddler's hand?  Certainly not.  This thought gave me great comfort.  Yes, we do have a "free will" but I really think it's not as "free" as we make it out to be. I'm not going to get into a theological debate over predestination or reformed theology.  (I pretty much have decided that my little brain can't fathom all those things.) Our children may let go of our hands, but we would never let go of theirs.  Our children may try to let go of their heavenly Father's hand, but I know and trust that He will never let go of theirs.  
So I just want to encourage you parents that may not only be concerned that they have let go of God's hand but maybe their older children have.  Trust in His unfailing love, His mercies that are new every morning and that He has our little, and big ones in the palm of His hand.  And as Matt Redman sings, "oh no, You never let go.  Through the calm and through the storm. You keep on loving and You never let go." 

God is Cheering for Us

At the moment, we are in the deep-end of swim team season.  I have 4 of my children swimming on the neighborhood swim team and it's going remarkably well.  It's nice to have a sport where they practice either together or right after each other and then all the same competition event on the same evening. Our family never did swim team with my older 4 but after a friend of mine who has 7 kids encouraged us to try it, I have become a fan.  It really is a great large family sport.

Well, this past week at the swim meet I was cheering on my precious children as they swam their hearts out racing to get to the other end of the pool.  As I was yelling words of encouragement with all the other parents, tears welled up in my eyes.  I was so proud of them, whether they won or not, just for going for it and just for getting to the other end of the pool.  I wanted them to hear me and feel me there right along with them.  It reminded me of how our heavenly Father is cheering us on.  How we have angels and "a great cloud of witnesses" cheering us on.  They are watching us on the "side-lines" and they know we can make it.  You know, God is really for us.  He wants us to finish strong.  Just like a loving parent, He is yelling at us not to give-up, to do our best, to push on.  I know the love and pride I feel for my children is just a glimpse of what He feels for us.  I hope this encourages you like it did me. Sometimes we think God is just making things hard for us, or isn't really watching us or has forgotten us. But just as a mother or father rushes to the side-lines to get a glimpse of their swimmer or runner or soccer player and holds their breath as they watch them push to the finish line, God is there with us cheering us on!

My Luke getting ready to swim a main event.  Can you tell he's nervous?
And you know what is the number one thing that slows these kids down, they look at the swimmer next to them to see if they are winning.  Boy, this was a lesson to me last night!  That is what slows us all down......when we compare ourselves to those around us and start "checking" everyone else out.  We need to keep our eyes on the goal, on the Lord, and just push on to the end.  We should do our best and not worry about everyone else.  

So, dive on in!!

A Letter To 16 Year Old Me

Dear Becca,

     You're 16 now, but this year will come and go so very quickly.  Enjoy your youth, don't compare yourself to others and stop over critiquing your appearance.  I know you probably hear things like this all the time, but 30 years from now you will know I was right.  
     Don't ever neglect your time with the Lord. He is your best friend and will be the only one who will always be there for you. Always have time alone to pray and read His word everyday. Don't expect others to always be around or even understand.  In fact, expect to be disappointed with people and then celebrate when you are not.  Even your parents, who are so very wonderful, will not always be there and will not always be perfect.  Enjoy them.  Their time on earth and in your life the way you know it now, is limited.  Cherish your siblings.  Work on building those bonds and work on forgiving.  Be thankful and stop trying to move on to the next stage........college, career, marriage, children, etc.  Be content where you are right now and make the most of every opportunity.
     As far as friends, be the friend that you want to have.  Don't let friendships fade.  People will go in and out of your life, but you will know the ones who are life long friends. Don't judge by outward appearances or first impressions.  You will find that your closest friends will not be those that you would pick out of a crowd.  Don't drop the ball.  Keep in touch with them.  Pray for them, be there for them, love them.  And God will bring that special someone into your life at just the right time.  Don't worry, you will KNOW that he is your soul mate.  He will make you smile like no other.  He will be your best friend, but more than that, he will be your better half.  
     Make the most of the time you have right now.....travel, read, give and hug those around you a lot!  They won't be around forever.  Laugh and enjoy life.  Life is so much more than how you look, who you are hanging out with or how much money you have.  Those things fade so very quickly. 
     God is so very faithful. Life is hard sometimes and really sad, difficult things happen.  But God is writing the story, not us, and He will not disappoint.  I'll leave you with these verses:
"Faithful is He Who is calling you to Himself and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it (fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you.) 1 Thessalonians 5:24 Amplified Bible

 "Who can discern his lapses and errors? Clear me from hidden and unconscious faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then shall I be blameless, and I shall be innocent and clear of great transgression.  Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord my firm, impenetrable Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalms 19:12-14 (Amplified Bible)


(A friend asked me to write a letter to her daughter who was turning 16. So in honor of my birthday week, I wrote it to myself : )


      

God Writes the Story, Not Me

"There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is.  He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.  I don't." Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

The above picture is of my just turned 12 year old son who was born 11 months after loosing a full term son.  I lost Taylor suddenly, horribly and Luke was my healing baby. I cried out to the Lord to be pregnant again, to once again hold and nurse a precious, tiny baby.  My arms ached.  The Lord was gracious and I conceived Luke (his name means bringer of light) less than 3 months later.  I knew I couldn't replace the baby I had lost, but I also knew the reality that life is truly in the Lord's hands, not ours.  If it is time for our precious ones to go home to be with the Lord, it doesn't matter if they are sitting securely on the sofa with us, God's Will will be done.  I had to come to terms with this.  I did have to realize, just as the above quote says, that this is God's story, not mine.  I look back now, over 12 years later and I can say for certain, that God does heal our hearts.  He truly does hear our prayers.  He knows what is best even though it may not make sense in our minds.  I know with certainty that I will understand it all and see His beautiful tapestry one day in heaven.  A precious friend of mine just walked through a miscarriage and I was once again reminded of how much loosing a baby can not only hurt and disappoint so very much, but also confuse us.  We ask God questions, and really, that's alright.  We cry out to Him.  We try to figure it all out.  God is sovereign but also so very loving.  I know He cries with us and we have to trust He has our best in mind.  His story is beautiful.

"With memories of gravestones, I wonder too if rent in the canvas of life's backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see.  To see through to God." Ann Voskamp

Mattie Will Have a Buddy!

We found out last week that this precious new little one growing inside of me is a boy!  Everything looked beautiful and it's so amazing to see all the growth that is going on inside of me!  Even though a girl would of evened things out, Mattie would of been surrounded by 3 girls right above him in birth order and then a little sister on top of that.  I'm glad it is a boy for him!

The amazing thing is, I lost a full-term baby boy in March of 2000 and this little boy is due in early March.  God is faithful and has given me such peace.  I'm amazed at his mercy and as I look at my children that came after that extremely hard experience, I know  they are my "beauty from ashes."  Taylor, my little guy in heaven, was stillborn due to a knot in the umbilical cord.  Sometime I will write a blog post on that experience, but I do just want to say that God truly carried us through that dark time.  I learned though it all that God is in control of the children we have and I would never take a pregnancy or a little baby for granted again.