MakeTime for Your Man

My husband and I just went on our yearly Carribean vacation sans kids.  

Yes, it's kind of pricey but we budget all year so we can go. 
 Yes, it's hard to leave the kids but it's actually good for them and great for us as a couple. 
 Yes, it takes planning, finding the best sitter, preparing meals ahead of time and making lists and more lists.  But let me tell you, it is so worth it!  

Like I've said in previous blog posts, your kids will grow-up and leave home but your spouse will be there with you for a a life time.  Also, a great analogy is a living cell.  If the nucleus of a cell is not healthy, the whole cell is unhealthy.  Our marriage relationship is the nucleus of our family cell. It seems like so many moms now-a-days put so much time, energy and mental energy into keeping their children happy and healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually healthy) but very little time into keeping their marriage relationship happy and healthy.  I'll get off my soap box now, but I like how my husband put it in an instagram post he did, "Sabbatical, rest, recovery.  Our marital soul is in desperate need of these like a car needs a tune-up.  Between kids, jobs, bills and disappointments our hearts cry out for a soul connection to God's greatest gift to us-our life covenant partner." 

So, even if you have to take your nursing baby with you (notice I said baby not toddler..haha) and can't go very far, just do it.  Go away with your hubby and give him the undivided attention he deserves. 

25 Tips from 25 Years of Marriage

My honey and I just celebrated our 25 year wedding anniversary this month....hard to believe.

So I was asked by my niece to do a "25 tips from 25 years" post.  My husband said, "Wow, that's a lot of tips.  Will anyone even read that?"  But since I am a numbers person and since I've been given the challenge, I'm going to do it! Feel free to stop reading at anytime, but I'm going to make them short and sweet, with no or little explanation, in the hopes that you will keep reading.   I also want them to be simple and practical and I in no way want to come across as "preachy" because believe me, I still have a very long way to go and much to learn.

1. Say "I love you" a lot!

2. Leave each other notes, nice notes : )

3. Make each other's coffee in the morning.

4. Don't try to be better than the other.

5. Pray together everyday.

6. Don't nag, instead make a sweet honey-do list.

7. Have a date night at least once a month, preferably once a week.

8. Plan a vacation away with no kids (unless it's a nursing infant) at least once a year.

9. Never say "no" to your husband (you can read between the lines here.)

10. Play together, like a sport or hobby or game, etc.

11. Make his favorite meals.

12. Always greet him with a kiss when he comes home from work.

13. Put a little lipstick and perfume on before he walks through that door after a long day of work.

14. Never forget a birthday or anniversary.

15. Give each other space.

16. Shop together and pick out each other's clothes.  

17. Compliment and encourage each other daily.

18. Forgive quickly and never hold a grudge.

19. Also ask for forgiveness quickly.

20. Go to church together.

21. Establish healthy boundaries with in-laws and extended family.

22. Don't get a pet without asking your spouse : )

23. Talk openly about money and don't establish separate accounts.

24. Sow into your marriage with healthy books, seminars, conferences, etc.

25. Laugh together and don't take life or each other too seriously. 

The Couple That Plays Together, Stays Together

And of course prays together, but that's another post.

Having fun together and recreating together is very important, especially for husbands.  I think as wives, many times we are content just sitting and talking with our husbands, maybe going on a few dates a month and doing things together as a family with the kids but men need more than that.  I've learned how important it is for them and for us as a couple to actually do fun things together.  And I don't think going to movies count.  I've read many books that talk about the needs of men/husbands and this is a big one on their list, while it's not really at the top of a wife's list.  So, us wives need to be a little proactive and not roll our eyes or dismiss our husbands when they mention doing "fun" things together.  The successful marriages that I know and admire all have a hobby or something fun that the couple likes to do together.  I know that many times I have to "force" myself to want to do this, but it's always worth it in the end and I have a marvelous time : )
So, here are some examples of things you can do as a couple to keep your marriage fun and "alive": (many of these are things I remember my parents doing together)

boat tubing
boating in general
motorcycling
tennis
bowling
visiting museums
concerts
hiking
road races

Well, don't laugh, you get the idea and I'm sure you and your husband can think of fun things to do together that you both like or things you would both like to try. So, hire a babysitter and go for it!!

When Dad's Away, The Mice Will Play......Handling Life With a Traveling Husband

My husband has had to travel a few times a month since he started working in the hotel business 17 years ago.  I have to admit, I didn't use to handle it near as good as I do now (not that I really handle it very well now either : ) But  God has given me grace and it is easier with older ones in the house to help.  My husband has had to travel a bit more lately and I also have a good many friends whose husbands have had to travel for work a lot lately as well.  This got me thinking about some things that have helped me and my marriage through days and nights of a traveling husband.  I do think that traveling can really wreck havoc on a marriage and is something the enemy uses to destroy godly marriages.  It's only by the grace of God and having Him as the center of a marriage that any of us can stay married in this day and age.  We also should pray for good solid jobs for our husbands that do not require too much travel, as well as making our homes such that our husbands don't want to travel ;)
Anyway, here are some things that have helped us through the years when it comes work related travel:

1.   Always try, as much as possible, to have your husband leave on a good note.  Try to mend any quarrels and certainly don't start an argument right before he leaves.  Have him leave with a smile on your face and a good long hug and kiss.

2.  Leave him notes in his bag or suitcase.  This helps connect him to you and home.  My husband is so good about leaving the kids and me notes around the house before he leaves too. 

3.  I rotate kids sleeping in the bed with me when he is gone.  It's something for them to look forward to and I have a running list of whose turn it is to sleep with mom.  They all have done this until they were about 14, at which point they out grow it : (

4.  Many times we make the evening kind of special when my husband is away (not that we are celebrating or anything, it just helps the evening not seem so sad and lonely.)  We will make cookies, maybe even watch a movie and some times pick-up takeout for dinner. 

5.  My husband and I make sure that we talk on the phone at least once a day when he is out of town. This is usually in the evening just before bed.  I think this is really good for both of us.  We also text each other more than usual during the day.

6.  We plan a date night for the weekend after he has been gone.  I know this is sometimes hard when he's been away from the kids too during the week.  But really, your marriage is the most important thing and the kids need to see Mom and Dad wanting to spend time alone together.  This makes them feel secure and know that they are in a home with a loving, healthy marriage.

7.  Make sure you know in advance when your husband will have to be gone.  This has helped me prepare my weeks and just mentally prepare.  My husband is usually pretty good about letting me know and sometimes I'm not too good at writing it down.  I'm trying to get better.

Well, this is all I could think of at the moment. But please, if you moms have any other tips, chime in!!!

Some Things I've Learned in 23 Years of Marriage

23 years ago......

Last week at the beach.....

I can happily say that my husband and I just celebrated our 23 year anniversary this week.  It seems so long to me, but I know we have a long way to go.  I met a couple in the grocery store last week that had been married 60 years!  They were so cute shopping together and so precious to talk to.  So, I guess we really haven't been married that long but in this current society with so many "disposable" marriages out there, I do feel like we have been married pretty long.  Anyway, I thought I would share some things I've learned these last 23 years as far as marriage is concerned.  Believe me, I know I still have a long way to go, but maybe this will help some young couples just starting out on life's journey together.  So here goes....

1.   Be nice, be respectable, be sweet.  This goes a long way with husbands.  They yearn for respect like we yearn for acceptance.  It will also help your own attitude.

2.  Have fun together. Plan date nights, weekends away a few times a year and even something fun that you both like to do together.  Watching a movie doesn't count : )

3.  Don't go to sleep angry with each other, but don't feel like you have to solve the "problem" either before going to sleep.  Arguing or even just discussing emotional issues  when you are both tired, is the worst thing to do.  Calm down, tell each other you love them no matter what and then agree to discuss and resolve the conflict the next day.

4.  Try to pray together every day.  We pray together just about every morning before my husband leaves for work and this is so crucial.  My parents did this and were happily married for over 50 years.  It doesn't have to be a long prayer but try to do this everyday.

5.  Greet your husband nicely when he returns home from work and try to look "pulled together" and have the house somewhat neat.  You want your husband to WANT to come home and feel that his home is a sanctuary from the world.

6.  Serve your husband.  Not meaning that he won't serve you too, but I can't believe how many wives I know that don't even make a sandwich for their husband.  Treat him with love and really try to care for him.

7.  Enjoy life and try not to badger him with the negative. You never really know how many years you will have together so cherish each one.

A Commercial for My Husband's Blog

Below is the link to my husband's blog.  He seems to be jealous that I've gained so many followers since he's been blogging longer than me. I told him it's because there are not near as many man/dad bloggers out there.  So here's a plug for the poor guy, tell your husband to check it out.

http://jacobsenfam.blogspot.com/