Wednesday, March 6, 2013
God Writes the Story, Not Me
"There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means. I don't." Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.
The above picture is of my just turned 12 year old son who was born 11 months after loosing a full term son. I lost Taylor suddenly, horribly and Luke was my healing baby. I cried out to the Lord to be pregnant again, to once again hold and nurse a precious, tiny baby. My arms ached. The Lord was gracious and I conceived Luke (his name means bringer of light) less than 3 months later. I knew I couldn't replace the baby I had lost, but I also knew the reality that life is truly in the Lord's hands, not ours. If it is time for our precious ones to go home to be with the Lord, it doesn't matter if they are sitting securely on the sofa with us, God's Will will be done. I had to come to terms with this. I did have to realize, just as the above quote says, that this is God's story, not mine. I look back now, over 12 years later and I can say for certain, that God does heal our hearts. He truly does hear our prayers. He knows what is best even though it may not make sense in our minds. I know with certainty that I will understand it all and see His beautiful tapestry one day in heaven. A precious friend of mine just walked through a miscarriage and I was once again reminded of how much loosing a baby can not only hurt and disappoint so very much, but also confuse us. We ask God questions, and really, that's alright. We cry out to Him. We try to figure it all out. God is sovereign but also so very loving. I know He cries with us and we have to trust He has our best in mind. His story is beautiful.
"With memories of gravestones, I wonder too if rent in the canvas of life's backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God." Ann Voskamp