Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Some Things I've Learned in 23 Years of Marriage

23 years ago......

Last week at the beach.....

I can happily say that my husband and I just celebrated our 23 year anniversary this week.  It seems so long to me, but I know we have a long way to go.  I met a couple in the grocery store last week that had been married 60 years!  They were so cute shopping together and so precious to talk to.  So, I guess we really haven't been married that long but in this current society with so many "disposable" marriages out there, I do feel like we have been married pretty long.  Anyway, I thought I would share some things I've learned these last 23 years as far as marriage is concerned.  Believe me, I know I still have a long way to go, but maybe this will help some young couples just starting out on life's journey together.  So here goes....

1.   Be nice, be respectable, be sweet.  This goes a long way with husbands.  They yearn for respect like we yearn for acceptance.  It will also help your own attitude.

2.  Have fun together. Plan date nights, weekends away a few times a year and even something fun that you both like to do together.  Watching a movie doesn't count : )

3.  Don't go to sleep angry with each other, but don't feel like you have to solve the "problem" either before going to sleep.  Arguing or even just discussing emotional issues  when you are both tired, is the worst thing to do.  Calm down, tell each other you love them no matter what and then agree to discuss and resolve the conflict the next day.

4.  Try to pray together every day.  We pray together just about every morning before my husband leaves for work and this is so crucial.  My parents did this and were happily married for over 50 years.  It doesn't have to be a long prayer but try to do this everyday.

5.  Greet your husband nicely when he returns home from work and try to look "pulled together" and have the house somewhat neat.  You want your husband to WANT to come home and feel that his home is a sanctuary from the world.

6.  Serve your husband.  Not meaning that he won't serve you too, but I can't believe how many wives I know that don't even make a sandwich for their husband.  Treat him with love and really try to care for him.

7.  Enjoy life and try not to badger him with the negative. You never really know how many years you will have together so cherish each one.


  1. Hi Becca,
    Thank you for posting this. My husband is currently on his 4th deployment this time to Afghanistan. We have been married for 7 1/2 years and out of that we've spent nearly 1/2 of that apart because of his Army obligations. I am so disheartened to see so many divorces, especially with military families. I know for me and my husband our marriage is not picture perfect, but we are committed to one one another and trust that God will help us get through anything life throws our way.
    Your post is exactly what people need to hear. For me, every separation from my husband gives us time to reflect and we always realize ways to improve our relationship/marriage. I hate that it takes a separation to realize this, but in a way it's a blessing to keep our marriage moving in a healthy direction.
    I love your blog, it's always so uplifting and full of mothering inspiration!

  2. Such wise words! Every single one. Thank you! With 4 young children, it's sometimes hard to see "outside" my little life of The Urgent needs of every minutes. I truly take this to heart, coming from you...because I know you've walked in these shoes. Many thnks.

  3. Wonderful wise words! We are celebrating 15 this week :) Marriage is such a blessing.

  4. Some wonderful advice and true wisdom. I am saddened by the way our world treats marriage these days. But what a blessing to see beautiful marriages like yours. I sat by this sweet couple at our prayer service at church the other night. She told me he was 89, and she was older too. It was SO sweet to watch how they treated one another. I wish I asked how long they had been married.

    I am SO thankful for my husband. We are now going on 16 years of marriage. It is such a blessing to be married to him. I cannot thank God enough for him.

    Thank you for sharing!!

  5. What a great encouragement. We have been married 25 yrs. It does seem like a long wonderful life together. Yet I know we're young babes in the eyes of 90 yr olds :-) So that makes me feel younger :-)

    It is sad that many women do not make their husband anything. It often gives a glimpse into their feelings about their husband. Too many women, and I was one of them, feel like they ought to only give 50% and keep the other 50% of their effort for themselves. Expecting their husband to provide the other 50% of the effort. Well most HAPPILY married couples now this does not work. Each gives 100%. Each loves fully.

    Even when we don't start out this way marriage is a life long process of working toward that 100%.

    I love my handsome husband more today than I did when we were married. Why? Because God has used him to show my Himself and my husband always gives me 250% effort and love.

    I enjoyed seeing your early picture and your now picture. Too cute!


  6. Looks like hubby and I have some learning to do. We never date. He works away from home, so when he is home the last thing he wants to do is go out. He prefers my cooking and doesn't like to eat out. He misses the kids and doesn't want them away. He is perfectly content to pop in a movie and snuggle with me naked under the covers. I would love regular dates, especially since I am home all the time, rarely away from all our children and rarely "off duty" as a mom and homemaker. I miss just being his wife sometimes.

    We rarely fight, but when we do it is usually slept on. There is no resolving it before going to bed, so I make sure any apologies I need to make are made, even if hubby is unreceptive at that point.

  7. Happy Anniversary!! :) We'll hit 31 years this August. I love my man more now than ever. I've been blessed!!

  8. Just 14 years here, but am starting to learn the same things. :) I think it is so hard in our current society to promote these ideals. Because a woman is considered to be "a doormat" if she actually tries to be a good wife. The people that would say that though seem to forget that the husband is supposed to love his bride like Christ did, on the cross, so no one's getting off easy! Thanks for being traditional. It's refreshing.

  9. Loved seeing your early picture. Good advice and Amen to being kind to each other--it goes a long way.

  10. Ahh Happy Anniversary!!! Great post!! Celebrating our 15 in July:)

  11. Thank you so much for a wonderful post!! I absolutely love your blog! As a mother of 6 (number 6 due to arrive in September) you are such an inspiration for us moms of large families! I look forward to each new entry!!



Thanks so much for your comments! I love them and they keep me writing. I really do read each one.