Friday, September 17, 2010

To Find Out or Not Find Out

Boy or Girl?

This isn't a post about finding out if anything is "wrong" with our new little one.  My husband and I have never had prenatal screenings performed with any of our pregnancies.  We believe that God is in control and knits each one of our children together in His own way.  We would never consider terminating a pregnancy. So why would we waste time, money and emotional energy (must less put a baby at risk with an amnio.) to satisfy our anxious curiosity?  We have, however, for the last 5 pregnancies had a level 2 sonogram.  Being over 35, it was kind of expected of us and we thought since it wasn't invasive it would be neat to see a long, clear picture of our little one.  But with this pregnancy, we have even opted out of that.  With Matthew, who has Down Syndrome, they told us everything was "perfect" with him. He had no DS markers.  But with Caroline, baby #6, they told us that she had club feet and possibly a heart defect.  We kept this to ourselves and prayed a lot, but she was born with no problems at all.  Also, with the level two sonograms performed at Duke, medical staff made a big deal about my risk of having a child with "problems" due to my age.  Their attempt at heightening our anxiety (whether intentional of not) made me mad and I really don't want to give them any more money.  So with this baby, we will just have a regular sonogram performed at my Christian, very pro-life doctor's office.  We will have this sometime around 20 weeks, so we could find out the gender.  We actually have not known the sex with 5 of our children and have known with 4.  I'm kind of up in the air about finding out, but my husband really wants to know.  With Mattie, he was the tie-breaker so we didn't find out.  There are advantages to both.  I tell all Moms that it's really fun not knowing, especially with your first.  If you do know with your first and get all, or mostly all, boy or girl stuff, then you have to get so much more with the next baby if it's the opposite sex.  We were surprised with our first 4 children and I was able to use the same bedding, nursery stuff and newborn clothes with all of them (3 boys and one girl).  There is just something about the suspense of waiting and I think it helps labor because you are so excited to know the gender of the baby.  There is nothing like hearing, "It's a boy!" or "It's a gir!l" for the first time as the little precious body leaves your own.  But, all that to say, we will probably find out the gender this time. Logistically speaking, we would like to know who this baby will room with and my older kids are very anxious to find out this time.  So, I think we will find out whether we will tie things up this time or if the boys will really win!


  1. Amen! Children are a blessing and are knit together in the womb by our loving Heavenly Father.

  2. May the Lord bless you and keep you and your beautiful family. May He make His Face to shine upon you and give you peace.

    Blessings!! Overflowing blessings to you!

  3. I haven't wanted to know with my last two, but hubby hates surprises! So, I caved. :) Either way, this baby will be a joy for you and your family!

  4. I only found out (but kept it to myself) the first time, and only then because I had to have ultrasounds weekly. I am SO with you on the testing. I know others feel strongly in the opposite direction, but because of what I was put through in terms of emotional strain with that first child, and all for NO reason, I opted out for the rest, except when necessary.

  5. You said after visiting me that you were glad to have found my blog, but I'm the one who is glad. My first child was born w/ a heart defect that wasn't detected until he was 2 wks. of age and in heart failure. I also live in NC and have to travel to Duke each time for the level 2 sonograms. With this baby, I have to admit that I have been plagued with a fear that something is wrong. I go to my ob Thursday and we will set up arrangements for the referral for the level 2. So very ashamed that I haven't given this fear completely over to the Lord. P.S. We didn't find out the sex with our last child and it truly was an even more beautiful moment (as if labor could be any more beautiful than it already is?!) and I kept my eyes closed as she was born. I couldn't wait for the dr. to say the sex of the baby. It seemed like an eternity!

  6. (Just found your blog from following a link from another...)

    I'm about 2 weeks behind you with our baby #8. You have a BEAUTIFUL family! (But you already knew that!)

    I've liked being surprised the couple times we were, but I'm anxious to find out about this one as it will affect our room arrangements as well, lol!

  7. I love knowing but I mostly find out just for my own confirmation. With my first son I was convinced he was a boy and so at 30 weeks we found out that yes he was indeed all boy.

    I'm due about the same time as you with my second baby and though I want to find out (I like to plan) there is this big part of me that wants to hear it's a....on the big day.

    Either way, such a blessing to be growing our families.

    Wishing you a great pregnancy.

  8. I like being "surprised" and my husband likes to "peek" so what we do is alternate turns, to be fair. But when it's my "turn" with a pregnancy, my kids really give me a hard time. It seems everyone wants to know, and I'm the ONLY one who likes to be surprised! It is really hard during an ultrasound NOT to look! But I manage to look away. It's fun being surprised at the birth. But it's also very fun looking at the ultrasound and discovering "who" is in there! It's exciting both ways.

    By the way, my blog is invite only now -- I set it on privacy. If you (or anyone else reading here) would like to be added onto my reader list, please just email me your email address and I'll send you out an invite :)

    Katrina (

  9. We had never done prenatal testing until this time but caved in because of my "advanced maternal age". The ds screening test came back positive. They wanted me to do an amnio. We said no because we wouldn't terminate under any circumstances. They kept pressuring. We continued to say no. The u.s. looked fine but we won't know until the baby is born. Anyway, now I have recently developed severe pregnancy hypertension. I'm now at 31 wks. and hoping to get to full term. Anyhow, I agree--I would never do testing again because of the concern it has caused.

  10. Great post! I agree wholeheartedly with your pro-life perspective! Truly, God knits each one together in the womb according to his perfect plan!


Thanks so much for your comments! I love them and they keep me writing. I really do read each one.