Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Making It Through A Miscarraige

This picture was taken 2 years ago right after my last miscarriage.  We had planned a ski trip and I ended up having to have a D&C the day before we were scheduled to leave.  I didn't want to disappoint the kids so we left the day after anyway.  Of course I didn't ski, but it was nice to be out of my normal surroundings and in the beautiful mountains to grieve.

With my last post I had a few comments and emails about miscarriage and how to make it through, deal with the loss, grieve in a healthy way and still have faith that God is in control.  Since I've had 4 miscarriages, I thought I would write a brief post on making it through that very hard time.

First of all, miscarriages are hard.  While I know they are not the same as infant death or even having a still born,  they can be very difficult and many times the mother grieves in silence often alone.  I know with my last miscarriage, only my husband, children and 3 close friends even knew I was pregnant and then miscarried at 9 weeks.  All of my miscarriages have been between 5-9 weeks.  I actually never saw any of their heart beats, so they were pretty early.  But I usually have a hard time keeping my pregnancies quiet because I start to feel pretty sick and tired early on.  I admire those women who can keep their pregnancies a secret until 12 weeks or more.  My children all guess by how I'm acting and then friends and family start to find out and pretty soon half the town knows.  I do think it's harder when you have children old enough to understand what's going on.  They get so excited about another new baby in the house and then it's so hard to explain to them.  I think that has been the hardest part with my last 2 miscarriages......seeing their sad disappointed faces.  
Well, I tried to think of some things that have helped me when I've miscarried, so here are a few little nuggets......

Allow yourself to grieve.  Spend some time alone and then also time with your spouse to cry and say goodbye.  It's so comforting as Christians to know this world is not the end and we will see that little one in heaven.

Don't try to hide it at this point, at least not from those really close to you.  That way, others can be sensitive, pray for you, take care of other kids, bring meals, etc.

Let you body heal.  Don't try to be "super mom."  Take your vitamins and eat/drink well. 

Read the Bible and other encouraging books, even books on going through dark times.  I especially liked "Streams in the Desert" which is more of a devotional book.  For me, these types of books were better than "grieving" books.

Don't get mad at God.  He created that little life for a purpose. I think it's best just to trust Him and know that He's working in your heart and doing things we will never understand while here on this earth.

Don't give up hope.  I had 2 miscarriages in a row after my 3rd child (I wrote a post on this last year) and I had quite a few people tell me just to happy with my 3 children and get "fixed" to avoid anymore miscarriages.  I am SO very glad that I didn't listen to them and just trusted God.  He really makes no mistakes!


  1. Great post. I've had 3 miscarriages.

  2. I plan to share this with two friends that have recently lost. Thank you for putting your thoughts down and sharing. I have have lost two over the years. Not easy at all. One was very private and the other we were very vocal. Sharing our loss, no matter how others responded, helped us very much. My kids took the last one so hard but also trust in their salvation.
    Two neat stories: sorry to bore you.
    My friend died of pancreatic cancer three years ago. She was 43 and had a 12 and 5 year old. She knew she was headed to heaven so she wasn't sad for herself. She was worried about the little ones she was leaving behind. One night she had a vision in which she saw the light, it scared her and she woke up only to have it asecond time. This time the light was blue and in it she saw a woman with a baby. She knew it was the Blessed Mother but she was unsure as to who the baby was. Then she learned that it was the child she had miscarried in between the two. Mary told her that just as she had cared for this baby and they were waiting for her to join them in heaven she would also watch over the two left on earth until they could all be togeter again some day. She hestitated to tell her daughter of 12 because she had never shared the loss of pregnancy with her daughter. She ended up sharing and her daughter was thrilled saying that, "I knew my brother and I would be here to take care of dad, but now I know one of us will be with you to take care of you!" So beautiful.
    Story number two: We lost a baby and then 3 months later concieved again, giving birth to our numer 5 chilen that child turned. When that child turned 6 we discovered that she needed to have a very rare and difficult surgery to correct a heart defect. She was so upset that no one in the family was allowed in the surgery with her. We tried to explain that her surgery was too rare and then were filming and she was on a bypass machine and all kinds of other issues. The room was full even if we wanted to be with her. It was so rare that they even filled an observation room to teach the procedure. As they were putting her under she started to panic and then the answer came to me. I told her to ask God to let her big brother join her from heaven while she was in surgery. She woke with such beautiful memories of the child that none of us had met. She told us what he looked like, he told her that he loved us and was in Heaven praying for us all the time. When I lost him I asked why and then years later God gave me a beautiful simple answer to a little piece of the reason.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing such a beautiful story, Neen. So encouraging and such a powerful testimony! Blessings on you and your family!

  3. Becca, thank you so much. I am really glad you did a post on this. I hope you will do more on how you have stayed so strong. Are than any post about Your stillborn baby? I really enjoy your perspective so real and filled with faith. Please continue to pray for me to trust God. You are a Great example!

  4. I've had 3 miscarriages. One nearly took my life with it. I had two D&C's. One of the things that really helped me through them was feeling blessed that God used me as a vessel to bring 3 little ones into existence and though they were only alive for 8, 11, and 9 weeks respectively in utero, that was more than enough to create a spiritual being. My children are serving their Lord in Heaven. I will see them again.

  5. Thank you for this timely post. Just a week ago I had our second miscarriage in a row. In the beginning, God blessed us with five wonderful pregnancies and I am extremely thankful for the children we do have. But my fear is that I will end my childbearing years with continued miscarriages. (I'm 38.) All of that to say your blog is a wonderful encouragement and testimony to the grace of God. Knowing that you had two miscarriages in a row and yet God blessed you exceedingly is a comfort to me. I'm just continuing to pray that God reveals His will to us and that I willingly except it whatever that might be. Again, thank you for sharing about this and your testimony of God's goodness in your life. I appreciate you and your blog!!!

    ~Diane in Iowa

  6. My husband and I had our first miscarriage in April 2011. I ended up having a D&C. Through that they found out I had something called Partial Molar Pregnancy. This is were there are 2 babies and one turns into a mole and slowly sucks everything out of the other baby. Very heartbreaking to think you are carrying 1 and then find out it was 2. It was very hard telling our children, Now 11, 9 & 7. My husband and I are 31 and 32. This December we found out we were having another little one. On Wdnesday we went in for our 16 week appt. Everything is fine with this pregnancy. I never thought I would have lost a baby. Now I know, everything is in Gods hands and we have no control! Thank you for posting about yours.

  7. I guess this is a strange place to be commenting for the first time, but I wanted to share with you how much I appreciate your blog. I have been blessed with 5 children and am expecting my 6th...I have not had any miscarriages. I am so thankful that God has spared me so far, but I appreciate your insite for the day it may happen. I truly love to read what you have to say about everything! My oldest is only 8, but I have learned so much from you. We are also Christians and we homeschool. Thanks for all you share!

  8. What an encouraging post. My husband and I only had two miscarriages, but each one is devastating at the time. Now that I have five married children, I am watching them go through their miscarriages, and one (stillborn) so thank you for the good word.


Thanks so much for your comments! I love them and they keep me writing. I really do read each one.